STRATFORD, NJ, USA
This time last year, I was watching my grandmom.
Wow.
Yep, today is my one-year anniversary as a full-time Alzheimer’s caregiver.
(My mom brought cupcakes to faux-celebrate.)
Friday was one year since my last day of work. Yesterday was one year since I moved back to New Jersey. And one year ago today, my grandmom came back home after a month-long stay in a hospital, a rehabilitation home, and an assisted-living facility. And that’s when this phase our lives began.
The last year has somehow managed to both crawl by and fly by at the same time. I feel like I’ve been here for years, but I feel like I just moved in. I guess that sounds like a bit of a paradox, and I guess it is. But, when things are the same every day, it’s easy to lose track of time.
It hasn’t exactly been the best year of my life. In fact, I’d probablyconsider it among the worst. But, like I say almost every month when I reflect on life with Nana in my blog, I still have no regrets. And I still have no timetable on how long I will do this. The fact that there is no end in sight is slightly terrifying. But only slightly; it’s the right thing to do.
Really, it hasn’t been all bad. I’ve gotten to take some nice trips! And I seem to have a part-time job prospect at the moment, so if that comes through, things will really start looking up for me.
I feel like I should write something insightful for the anniversary, but once again, I’m not in the mood.
Any time I try to contemplate things to write something insightful, I end up feeling and sounding either whiny, existential, or guilty about the resentment I feel. Even in the best case, I only end up thinking up a bunch of imponderables: “Should the elderly eat nutritious meals to maintain their health, or should they be free to eat only junk food as they enjoy their waning years?”
I don’t think there’s an answer to that.
Lots of new moms blog. In a way, I feel like a new mom caring for a child. But while mom blogs seem to be updated constantly, I struggle to write updates about life with with my grandmom. Maybe that’s because a birth is an optimistic occasion while a slow death is a pessimistic one. Or maybe new moms can blog without analysing their lives like I do.
Or maybe I’m just lazy.
Regardless, I’m sure I’ll have plenty more blog posts about my grandmom as I enter my second year with her. Some will probably be whiny, some may be amusing, and I’m sure plenty will be existential.
But right now, I don’t really feel like thinking about things, so I can’t really write much. I’d rather just keep chugging along and taking things one day at a time.
Every day is a new day.
I’ll take them for what they are. Most of the time, I don’t want to think about them.
Filed under: alzheimers, Life, Nana
Don’t compare my life to yours. Some aspects seem similar but that is just depressing and plus, life versus the end makes it complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Not to mention, it makes me feel guilty for being excited about caring for my daughter.
Anyway, I’m sure positivity has come out of this experience! If anything, you can at least write a book or assist in research of the disease. I know that it’s made me interested in researching the topic.
Today I said something about people being family-oriented but you know, really, you’re more family-oriented than anyone I know and you’re a strong person for being there for her as hard as it may be for you for various reasons.
Don’t think of it as a year lost, think of it as a year spent being the best grandson a grandmother could ask for. =)
I have been reading your blog since you were featured on wordpress. i think it is amazing that you are taking care of your grandmother. Take it from someone older than you (45), you will never regret it when she is gone. Do you mind if I add you to me blogroll?
Forgive my mistakes in typing. It is late and I ate too much today.
Gina
Hi Gary,
I have to echo Gina’s remark – “Don’t think of it as a year lost, think of it as a year spent being the best grandson a grandmother could ask for.”
However, are you able to get out enough to get the occasional break from constant care-giving? I hope so. You’re a young guy and yes, this could last for a while yet.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed Thanksgiving and take care.
Gene
Laurel Springs
Thanks so much for the comments, everyone.
Tiffany: I noticed the similiarities between the elderly and children a while ago, but our discussions brought that thought back to the front of my mind. I wasn’t comparing your life to mine (you’re not a mommy blogger YET! lol). You’re exactly right….it’s similiar concepts at complete opposite ends of the spectrum.
Shouldn’t feel guilty a bit!
You should ABSOLUTELY be happy with your situation!
I’ve grown to dislike blogging about my grandmom, because I never like the way my posts turn out. You’re right, there are definitely positive aspects to it.
Thank you so much for reminding me of that!
Gina: Thanks SO much for the kind words.
Of course you can add me to your blogroll!
And I hope the turkey was good.
Gene: Thank you, too. A lot of it depends on my mood…sometimes it feels like a year lost, but most of the time, I look at it as a year of doing the right thing.
And yes, I do get quite a bit of time to myself. My mom has been here helping out an average of 3 hours a day for the whole time I’ve been here. And she has also been very good about staying for a whole day or an overnight here and there when there is something I want to do out of town.
Things actually might be getting a little easier for me soon. I have a part-time job in the works for two days a week. I’ll post about it when/if it comes through.
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving yourself!