MARLTON, NJ, USA
There are about 8 blogs that I read on a regular basis. Most of them I read every day (or several times a day), but there are a couple that I’ll only read once a week or so. Most of them I read because I really enjoy reading them and keeping up with my friends’ lives, but there are a couple that I only read because I feel obligated. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that they’re boring. I hope that garybutterworth.com fits into the former group, but when I go and write something like this, I know I’m in the latter. Sorry ’bout that.
Still, in the past 14 days, I’ve been in 7 different countries, I’ve returned to the United States after 4 months abroad, and I (symbolically) graduated from college. I think that gives me a little bit of an excuse to get just a little bit introspective and nostalgic. Bear with me, just this once.
College was weird, and I really don’t think it’s hit me yet that it’s over. I’m pretty sure that if I took 15 credits a semester and worked 1 job (that wasn’t every weekend night), I would have loved it. But I didn’t do that. Mostly because of the whole Newhouse thing and a little bit because of the fact that I didn’t really make many good friends on my floor, I didn’t really enjoy freshman year. I wasn’t miserable; it was actually more boring than anything. Regardless, I started thinking about graduating early, which led me to start taking more classes and working more, which made me really busy, which meant I had less time for fun, which meant I enjoyed myself less, which made me want to graduate sooner, which made me start taking more classes…………………
I got myself into a vicious cycle at Syracuse (is the expression “viscious circle” or “viscious cycle?” Or does either work?), and because of that I really didn’t get as much out of college as I should have. I should have learned more and I should have enjoyed it more. As it was, I’d say I absolutely despised 95% of college, mostly because I was so insanely busy. But believe it or not, I absolutely loved the other 5%. In fact, I’d say I loved the other 5% so much that it pretty much made up for everything I hated. But Syracuse University and I still very much had a love-hate relationship and pretty much everything about college was bittersweet.
I don’t talk much about “regrets” because to me “regrets” are pretty serious things and I really don’t have any. When push comes to shove, I got to do just about everything I wanted to do at college, even if things didn’t always go exactly as I would have wanted. I wanted to study abroad. And even though I didn’t get to take as many courses in French as I wanted to, I did get to study abroad. Even though I didn’t get to major in Broadcast Jouralism or Television, Radio, and Film like I wanted, between 6 classes, 2 internships, and my time at the student tv station, I am fairly compotent in both a TV studio and a newsroom, and my minor in Public Communications Studies can vouch for that. I wanted to be an RA, and even though I wasn’t the best RA, there were worse out there. And even though I wasn’t as good of a student as I would have liked to have been, I found out yesterday morning that I will graduate cum laude. I really am content with all of that, but it would have been nice if things had worked out in ways that would have allowed me to do things more like I wanted. Overall, I’m very content, but not satisfied.
Here’s a subject that doesn’t come up too often on garybutterworth.com: relationships. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever discussed that here before. But if I’m discussing regret-ish things, this should be addressed. Despite what some people seem to think, I am not asexual. But the sad truth remains that I’m done with being an undergrad, and I’ve still never been in a relationship. That doesn’t really bother me per se, but it is very frustrating, sometimes lonely, and most of all it’s scary. I know this sounds ridiculous coming from someone who’s 21, but if I didn’t meet someone at college, how will I ever? I want to be modest and say “girls don’t like me,” but that sounds like a cop-out to me and besides, while I may be pretty oblivious myself, I have it on fairly good authority that that simply isn’t the case. Again, I hate to sound arrogant, but I’m pretty confident that more than one person was interested in me during the past three years, and I’ve been interested in more than one person myself. In fact, I still have some question marks about a couple of people. Big neon ones that flash and attract mosquitos. So why, then, hasn’t anything ever happened? Well, all I know is that I need to knock it the hell off, grow up, and grow some balls.
I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. Most people spend 8 semesters on their college campus. I only spent 5. And even though I hated 95% of it, I really do think that I’ll remember my 3 years at Syracuse as 3 of the best years of my life. As much as I complained about Newhouse and Kimmel (they really were as bad as I made them out to be), there was also Branson, my RA staff, “Choose MY own adventure,” the 1000 islands, Ottawa, Fribourg, and tons of other stuff that totally rocked. But not only was college conflicted and bittersweet, it was also short, and it ended kind of abruptly. That’s why I had to go back last week. I just needed a real ending to my time at Syracuse. I needed some closure, and I got it.
| Liz was the other RA on Sadler 2. She asked me to post this picture. |
For me, High School graduation was a pretty big deal (before, during, and after the ceremony). Syracuse graduation wasn’t (before, during, nor after). I knew almost no one in my graduating class and the ceremony was just too big and impersonal to have any real meaning. And our speaker sucked. Now I’ll admit, I wasn’t happy with Phylicia Rashad from the beginning, but there were worse possible choices and I did give her a shot. I really did. But I saw concrete Stalist statues in Slovakia that showed more emotion than Mrs. Huxtable. And she didn’t say much either. “You asked me to come, so I’m here.” Alright. And her 6 minute speech could have easily been condensed into 3 minutes if she didn’t hold for applause after every third syllable. I guess I’m just jealous that last year’s graduating class got 25 minutes of Bill Clinton and we got 6 minutes of Phylicia Rashad. But honestly, last week wasn’t about graduation. I sleep-walked through the convocation and commencement ceremonies and that doesn’t bother me at all. It was about me getting one last chance hang out with my friends and live like a college student, one who isn’t too busy to do anything. And I did just that.
When I decided to graduate early, I thought it would give me an extra year of life. When I moved out of Syracuse in December, though, I felt like graduating early was robbing me of a year. Now, it doesn’t feel like either is the case. I really will miss Syracuse. I’ll miss it a lot. But like I said in in my post about coming home from Europe, everything has to end. I think it was time for Syracuse end.
Of course I’ll be back to visit (probably whenever the Hershey Bears or the Barenaked Ladies are in town). There are supposed to be cheap flights to Syracuse starting soon from Reagan Airport right on the DC Metro should I end up in Washington, but I know it won’t be the same. And I can live with that. But I really needed one chance to say goodbye while everything was the same. That was what was so great about last week. Everything was just as I left it, and I had the time to really stop and take it all in one last time. And I had a ball in the process. It really was great to see everyone again after being away for so long, and it was great to go out to eat, go to parties, watch tv, and just sit around with people who really are important to me. I also really appreciated everyone’s willingness to tolerate me just hanging around while other people were still doing school work and job work. I swear, me randomly showing up in the middle of the night, inviting myself to stay for multiple days and begging for free meals really isn’t my style. I’d never done that before and I do feel bad about it. I really hope I wasn’t too obnoxious, and I really am sorry for any inconvenience. You were all great. I appreciate everyone, but I think Geoffrey deserves to get singled out, as of course does Nikki, who is just plain igneous. THANK YOU! It goes without saying that after last week I owe multiple people multiple favors. Please don’t hesitate to take me up on that, because I know I was a pain. But I did what I needed to do, and I really truly appreciate the fact that people put up with me enough to let me do that. Thanks.
So, what’s next? Well, I’m still 4 elective credits shy of officially graduating. I’ll be taking them at a community college here in NJ this summer. Lab Physics. Ugh. I should just shoot myself in the foot now, or maybe cut off a shoulder. Either way, I really, really need to get around to enrolling in that. After that, who knows. I could have stayed on at Voice of America last summer if I wanted to. I guess that means they liked me, so I’m going to see if I can work my foot back into the door down there. If that doesn’t work out, I really have no idea what I’ll do (even if I can’t go back to VOA, I’ll still be glad that I finished school, though). Right now, I can’t even imagine going back to school, but I have a feeling that’ll change within the next year or so. I’d feel like a waste if I didn’t get at least one more degree, be it a law degree or a master’s in journalism, television production, international relations, or anything else. Until that happens, though, I’m not exactly sure what’s on tap if VOA doesn’t work out. But I actually feel pretty comfortable with that.
I mentioned before that I never really understood why people always said that studying abroad changes their life. And it really hasn’t changed me much. But the more I think about it, there is something that I have noticed that has changed, and pretty significantly: I think I’m less selfish than I used to be. I would have admitted this before even though I’m not neccessarily proud of it, but before I went to Europe, I was really only interested in a job that would be fun. There are a lot of idealists on college campuses who want to change the world. As much as I respected them and wanted to help, I just didn’t have it in me before. Now, I’m more willing to do a job that would benefit society some more. Hey, being overly naieve is no worse than being overly cynical, is it? In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking that I might like to go to the Caucuses and work with refugees. But it’s just a thought.
(FYI: Despite my purse, the summer scarf, my trips to nude spas and operas, and my newfound appreciation for fine wine and Michael’s, I am still denying all allegations that France has turned me metrosexual. I guess it’s possible that it might have given me a dab of metro, which I could most certainly use, but c’mon! This is me we’re talking about! Have you seen my shoes? [Thanks Katie for the hot glue!]).
Additionally, I wanted to go abroad for a long time. Now, having been overseas, it feels like a big weight is off of my shoulders. I really have done quite a few of the things that I’ve wanted to do in life, and now I feel more free to just do whatever comes up. I think these two things should open up a few more job opportunities for me.
So even though I probably should be, I’m not terribly worried about finding a job or life after graduation. If I learned one thing at Syracuse, it was that life is all about making the most with the hand your dealt. And I’ve gotten pretty good at that. I think that’ll get me somewhere. Oh, I learned that agricultural subsidies suck. Yea they do.
So what’s up for me, other than my summer class and trying to find a job? Now that I’m done with school for at least the time being, I might have some free time to be able to get around to doing some things that I’ve wanted to do for a while. I’d like to get certified to referee ice hockey. I might be interested in getting a ham radio license (don’t make fun). Believe it or not, I am STILL thinking about the Coast Guard Reserve. And I’d like to get rabbit. I like rabbits. What else? Well, Barenaked Ladies are coming around twice this summer, and a couple of my friends from home have been talking about going to Boston for a few days towards the end of July or beginning of August. And there’s always the Butterworth Classic. I’m kind of broke, but I think I can make at least something off of this list happen. I think I can make this a fun summer. And I guess a fun fall, winter, and spring too, since I’ve got nothing else planned. For the past few days, though, I’ve just been sitting on my dad’s recliner. It’s pretty pathetic, actually. I haven’t left his street since I got back Sunday night. But two of my best friends, Dan and Dustin, will be done with school by the weekend, so I should find something to do soon, before I start developing bedsores.
So that’s about it for now. Thanks for hangin in there for that. I think I’ll probably have one more short, sentimental-ish entry about being done with college. After that, it’ll be back to the same old boring shit, like what I had for breakfast and all. Actually, I’ve been thinking about maybe starting to talk about things other than myself here. Cuz apparently the world is going to Hell. Regardless, I’m going to try to keep things short from here on out.
PS: Does anyone know anything about a Latvian band called BrainStorm?
Current Mood: Ridiculously Bored, and not quite as sentimental as this entry would have you believe.
Current Music: None. I really can’t concentrate on much if I have music playing.
Link du jour: Molvania. One of the funniest things I’ve seen on the Internet ever! I’m so buying the book when it comes out! (Ok, I’m an IR dork. Sue me.)
Filed under: College, Garyana, Life, Posts with Pictures, Syracuse
